


Leo

by Lirema



Category: Dramaturgy - E ve (Music Video), Last Dance - E ve (Music Video), Outsider - E ve (Music Video), e ve, e ve music videos
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29175033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirema/pseuds/Lirema
Summary: I had a fever dream at 2 AM & had to write it down sorry for the angst
Relationships: Kurukuru/Pattun, Pattun/Kurukuru
Kudos: 7





	1. Hear.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a fever dream at 2 AM & had to write it down sorry for the angst

“You ever stop and listen to yourself?”

Words muttered in scarlet, tamed only by a mask. It’s clear from the way he spits that Kurukuru’s completely done with Pattun’s bullshit. He picked the wrong day to commute, it seemed all the croc-wearing freak liked to talk about was his work. How well his research was going, how he was the best chemical engineer in his university, how much of a pain in the ass his lab partner is, good lord, how long can this moron talk for? Just when he catches Pattun pausing mid-sentence, however, he’s only met with the usual.

“Well, when you find something better to do with your life besides miming, you can talk all you want.”

“It’s pantomiming.”

“Oh, potato, potahto. You really think anyone takes you seriously with that mask on?”

The bus finally arrives. With a half-hearted blow of a kiss and a “goodbye” from Pattun, the pantomime leaves the cramped cubicle, wondering why he even bothers.

It’s been five months since the day they met. Like a rose bud, soft and new, Kuru spotted him among the crowd during one of his last performances at the local black box theatre before it shut down. He seemed as self-absorbed and disinterested as he was now, staring at the black wall, clearly being dragged along by the white and black haired gentleman next to him. However, when he feared the crowd was growing too silent, when he made one double-entendre he hated, he only managed to get a laugh out of the young man...The flower burst forth, bubbling, hiccuping with laughter. He had to know his name after the show. Maybe ask for a date…? No, too soon. Or so he thought.

“Kuru-kun!” The black and white haired young man clapped boisterously from the theatre entrance with a cheeky grin, his croc-wearing friend hiding his face, “Wow, what a show. I heard great things about you, but you exceeded all my expectations.”

“Thank you, and you are…?”

“Dancer,” the young man bowed with a delicate wave of his hands, “and Pattun.”

“Pattun, that’s quite a name.”

“Shut up…” He huffed at his straight bangs and grumbled to the side.

“No, no, I ad-ah...I like the name,” He caught himself mid-sentence. It’s too soon for him to have an admirer, and yet he’d probably embarrass himself if his mask was off. He can practically feel his cheeks swelling red.

“Well, if you think that’s great,” Dancer hummed, “we should all go on a double date. My treat.”

As Kurukuru and Pattun responded with a loud “eh!?”, Dancer chuckles, “What, your sister never told you about me?”

“Oh, Mika...I think she mentioned her dance partner having a huge embarrassing crush on her-”

“Weeeell whaddya say? Tomorrow night?” Dancer’s cheesy grin widens.

“...You do realize I’m a guy, right?”

“Yes, and I’m bi, what’s your point?”

“Ah, well, I wouldn’t want to make Pattun here too uncomfortable…” Kuru glanced at the timid Pattun, curling up and blushing a bit. Ah, good to know he’s not the only one…

“Then it’s a date!” Dancer proclaimed.

What unfolded the next day seemed like a dream. Despite not wearing shoes, this so-called Dancer managed to reserve the perfect seats on the rooftop of the finest bar in Tokyo, overlooking the grand city and the beaches beyond it. His sister seemed to enjoy the meal, that much he can recall. No, the food wouldn’t leave as much of an aftertaste than what occurred after dinner. Mika and Dancer fell into a food-coma induced sleep, slumping next to each other, hand in hand, while Kuru just gazed out the roof as the sky dimmed and the city lights shimmered in gold.

“Noisy, isn’t it?” Pattun grumbled next to him.

“Maybe,” Kuru shrugged, “if you weren’t born and raised here.”

Pattun scoffed with a dry laugh. Kuru turned, raising an eyebrow beneath the mask.

“Tch, I don’t get it. Dancer asks me to be his wingman, but it looks like he didn’t need me after all,” he turned and recoiled, “Ugh, they’re practically drooling on each other.”

“How long have you known Dancer for?”

“A month, technically. He mainly pestered me during my lunch break in my last year of college.”

“Ah, the “friends with everybody” type?”

“Yep.”

“Ah.”

And in that split second of silence, he wanted to say it. He desperately wanted to get his feelings off of his chest, how he beamed at the way he laughed, how he wished he’d smile more. Alone together, the perfect time...his heart would race if it didn’t sank at Pattun’s words.

“I mean, did he seriously think we’d be a couple after the first date? I’m not even gay.”

Crack. He catches his cracking mask before it falls off. All the blood flowing to his heart seems to be flowing to his head now...Like his whole face was melting, oozing a waterfall of emotions. Away he went, far, far away, hand on his face like some idiot running from a skunk. All the way to his apartment, where he’d storm into his bathroom and check his sweltering face.

No melting, no waterfall. Just a sloppy wet face staring back at him. Then he’d cry himself to sleep. If he’d let his mask down...if Pattun saw how pathetic he looked every time he looked at him...he’d never live with it.

Then again, he’s having a hard time living in general. Being in the acting business doesn’t exactly bring a lot of bread to the table, even if he was the only famous one-man show in Tokyo. And that’s still not saying much, considering how little his performances are in comparison to bigger and better theatre productions. After five years of performing on the streets, he can’t seem to find any more professional theatres willing to let him perform. Now he just travels bus station to bus station, or as far as his sister’s money will allow him. She’d tell him to find a real job to keep his apartment, and he’d lie and say he did. Good thing she lives on the other side of Tokyo to not notice. Or care. No, why would she care? She and Dancer are only the biggest stage dancers in all of Tokyo. Top that all off with the big, chemical engineering cherry on top, and his head swells even more. “Let’s be fair, it’s not like you could ever make it.” “I really don’t know why you even bother trying.” 

Words muttered in scarlet, tamed only by a mask. He’ll break that mask soon. 

He just needed a place to jump.


	2. See.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d write more but it’s almost midnight and I don’t feel like pulling another all nighter again

Words lost in a sea of blue. He’d assume it was nothing. Some newspaper, or a piece of wood. His lab partner, a giant rabbit with goat horns almost twice as big as him, was pretty adamant about retrieving it all the way from the shore. It’s astonishing how the waves haven’t picked it up and taken it away yet.

“Mocchi, you dunce! The bus’ll be here in five…”

His heart skips a beat at the mask in Mocchi’s hands.

No wonder he wasn’t waiting at the bus stop with him today. Kurukuru never takes his mask off, not since...well. He wishes he didn’t remember. Before he could ask, the ibex rabbit scoops him up and plops him right at the spot where he found it, near the rocky cliffside and the rock island just a couple of stepping stones away from the shore. 

He remembers this place like it was yesterday. After all, it was yesterday when he discovered it. Kuru’s figure was practically burned in his mind. His new work project involved collecting samples from the beach. That’s when he saw him, staring out into the horizon and sitting on the edge of the giant rock, almost the size of a two-story house. How he got up there, he’d never know. He was too busy at the time. At least, that’s his excuse.

“You ever stop and look at the sky?” Kuru asked him, not once looking down at him.

“You ever have a normal greeting for once?” Pattun scoffed.

“Oh, but you and I both know no one has an honest answer for ‘how are you’.”

Pattun chuckled a bit, “Heard your sister cut you off.”

“From who?”

“Dancer.”

Kuru grumbled, “That guy can’t learn when to shut up and mind his own business can he?”

“Yeah, that’s why I don’t talk to people.”

Kuru finally looked down at him, a hint of disappointment in his voice, “...You’re talking to me.”

“Real people, Kuru. You’re a clown.”

“Says the guy who wears crocs all the time.”

Then Pattun stammered for a comeback, making Kuru laugh so hard his stomach curled.

“Oy, calm down, you’re gonna fall!”

“What, afraid you’ll have to catch me?”

“Frankly, yes! What the hell do you take me for, a knight in shining armor?”

Kuru’s laughter immediately stopped.

“What? I’m just too skinny to catch you, it’s not like I hate you or anything.”

With a sigh, he turns back to the sea, “I know.”

The waves were as turbulent as yesterday. Well, of course they’d be Pattun, it’s the ocean. Although, this time he could hear it. Feel it. Why is his heart racing against the waves? He glances down at the mask, then out to sea. There’s no way…

“He’s...just out for a swim, right?” Pattun forces a laugh, “yeah, just swimming...that’s what he gets for swimming with a mask on…”

And yet, despite all his wishes...his legs are begging him to move. Maybe it’s the face staring back at him. The dumb, dopey-eyed face that looks like a first-grader drew it. Why the hell does he even keep a stupid mask like this? The more he ponders, the faster he remembers.

About a month or two after they met, when spring was lazily burrowing out of the bed of the earth. The guy had horrible allergies. Every time they’d meet, he’d be greeted with an obnoxious sneeze that could probably wake up the dead. Least, that’s what it felt like. Sure he’d been wearing it every time he saw him, but the more he wore it, the more it made his skin crawl. After a month, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“God, just take it off already,” He grimaced as Kuru boomed with another sneeze.

“Dake whudoff?” The teal-haired man sniffled. Ugh, he’d imagine his nose is as green as his hair.

“Your shirt, obviously,” Pattun sneers sarcastically.

One shake of his head, one gigantic howling sneeze. One minute, another. Then he lost it.

“Fine, if you won’t take it off, I’ll do it for you!”

“Paddun, no, don’d-”

One yank, one...pool of water? It was almost as if he ripped his entire face off. Before he could look up, Kuru swiped the mask and ran off, desperately trying to shove it back on his face.

“You’re welcome!” 

“Phuck y-” He’d yell hoarsely with another sneeze interrupting him.

He’d never speak to him again after that, never even try to be near him. If he spotted him in the distance, he’d turn the other way. At first he thought nothing of it, but now...no. No, it couldn’t have been his fault, they just talked to each other yesterday. Right? This has nothing to do with his self-absorbed ego, or the way he’d tease him all the time, right...?

And yet his feet refused to stand still. Maybe he was sick of being ignored, maybe Kuru made him feel heard for once and not like an outsider. Or maybe he was just sick of carrying an ugly mask. _Won't you throw away everything you don't need, and destroy me right here?_

Good thing he never learned how to swim.


	3. Speak.

Rage. There were no words, no rhyme or reason. Only rage. That’s how the both of them felt before they fell in the ocean’s cold, dark embrace. Rage of a man too scared to show his face, wondering why no one was watching him fall, or why no one responded to his letter. Rage of a scientist who just needed an answer.

_There's an unknown face reflected in the water surface  
Where did you come from? What were you doing?_

Shit, it’s freezing. That much Pattun knew, before the waves spun him around, losing all control of his body. Kurukuru picked a _horrible_ day to swim, Pattun, you can’t even hold your breath well here. Why, it’s almost as if he wasn’t trying to swim at all. How could he be so stupid? How did he not see the warning signs? Ah, probably because of that crude mask that made his skin crawl. Yes, this was all his fault. If he hadn’t ignored him for months, if he’d just told him what the hell was going on in his sad, pathetic life...Ah, but that wouldn’t be fair to assume, would it? The waves hint with a blow to the head, knocking him against the tall rocks.

_Each time I blink, the world completely changes  
I wish to dance in the gaps between the end_

Five months ago, a week after their first date. Pattun thought nothing of it. Maybe Kuru got super sick from the food that night and dashed off to vomit somewhere...far away from the restaurant instead of in the bathroom. It’s a stretch, but he wouldn’t put it past him. After all, he can’t read that guy at all with a stupid mask on. He’d wait for the bus, tap his crocs. Then he’d glance to the left.

“And like a ghost, he appears,” he teased Kuru.

“Gee, thanks…”

The masked man tentatively shuffled closer to Pattun.

“You’re looking a little pale,” Pattun sneered, pointing at the mask “and dead. Seriously, who drew that for you, a squirrel?”

“It’s...a gift.”

“From who, your dead mom?”

“Yes.”

Silence.

_Today, again, I tamed the loneliness  
And held expectations towards this idle life_

Perhaps he should’ve said he was sorry. Perhaps he should’ve asked more about his life. But who in their right mind gives their son a mask? Then again, he...never had a mom, either. Never knew either of his parents. Perhaps he was an orphan too. But Pattun’s never been good with comforting people. No, all he does is lab work. That’s why his spine tingles as Kuru asked.

“So...you’re not gay?”

What kind of a stupid question was that? Was he trying to piss him off? Was he hitting on him? He couldn’t care less about his love life, or lack thereof. He’d never even considered who he was attracted to, but...even if he was gay, why would he tell anyone? Besides, his reputation demands it. Can you imagine, the shame and humiliation of being the first gay chemical engineer in Tokyo? It’s almost laughable. And the last thing he needs is for anyone to laugh at him.

“...No,” he soured like a cat.

And if he’d kept looking at him instead of turning away with a scowl...he might’ve caught it. That sigh behind the mask, that slumped over posture of disappointment- no, heartbreak.

“Why would you ask that, anyway?” Pattun sighed impatiently.

“I just…”

“Just what?”

“Just...didn’t want you to feel lonely for the rest of your life.”

_Holding on to kindness, I made an oath  
Please, praise that praying figure_

He sighs again. Might as well humor him for a bit, “Why? Is that exactly how you feel?”

Silence.

“Oh, come now, Kuru, loneliness isn’t always a bad thing.”

“...How so?”

“Well…” Pattun ventures, stroking his chin, tapping his crocs, “It’s a breath of fresh air, I’d say. Fresh air from all the pollution of life- the teasing, bullying, judgment- It allows you to step back, evaluate what truly matters. And what truly matters is yourself. That’s my hypothesis, anyway.”

“...Sounds like a lame hypothesis.”

“Hey, if you have a better guess on why the world hates us, be my guest.”

The masked man chuckled with a snort. Pattun can’t help but snort at him too. They shared the same laugh.

_Even if your wishes are betrayed  
Don't worry — the distorted love and hate that were sprinkled onto me —  
I've vomited them out softly, comically_

His hands guide his head back to reality. There’s something in the sea, something soft, something...green. Before he can grab it, however, the waves tumble him over again, swirling him upside down, trapping his leg in the rocks. He’d scream in pain if he wasn’t underwater. This is what he gets for wearing crocs, he supposes. He never should’ve looked up. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have gasped at that blurred figure lying in front of him. It’s hard to make out, but he swears it’s him.

He’s losing air.

_Please, fill me with love  
You're not dead yet  
So please howl out your thoughts,_

__

__

_LEO_

Swelling. That’s all his head feels. Thank god Mocchi pulls him out of the water and onto his back. He’d yank his horns, begging for him to turn around for Kuru, but all he can do is cough out water and gasp for air. Once they’re finally onshore, he growls, dragging the ibex rabbit by the horns, then stumbling over, wincing. He almost prefers staying in the water, where he wouldn’t feel the gash on his leg.

“Ku…” he coughs.

Mocchi nods, hoisting him on his back again. Don’t you dare lose your consciousness, Pattun, even if you didn’t have much of it in the first place. You need to find him.

_Let's be born — Please, respond to me —  
Throw away these chains now  
While I'm still in this hollow state_

One week ago, where the black box once stood. Now it was just an empty, forgotten lot. The masked man scoffs at it, seeing himself in the lot...Nothing ventured, nothing gained, yet he ventured and gained nothing. That’s all it was, right? Life never amounted to anything more, always nothing. He sighs and turns to a billboard, glancing at the letter in his hands...fidgeting. As if deep down, he really didn’t want to do this. Sure, he could’ve sent the letter to his sister, or...him, but it’s not like either one of them would respond to any letters...

_Borrowing the figure of the incarnation facing me,  
I looked at these tender hands with these golden eyes_

“Hey there, sunshine.”

The teal-haired man screeches like a girl. Pattun chuckles at him, leaning on a mailbox. He huffs under the mask, shoves him the letter, and leaves.

“Woah, woah, what’s the big deal-”

“Just send that to my sister and leave me alone.”

“Come on, it’s been like, three months-”

“Spare me the cheap compliments, would you? You know you never loved me like I did.”

Eyes. Wide eyes, gleaming. Staring into his soul. He can’t bear to look at them. That’s why he avoided Pattun for months. His heart ached just to be near him. He’d sprint before Pattun could say a word, before he could see the mask crumbling apart.

_The voice snuggles into me, the time of lurking passes  
If you can even cover these eyes that watch intently, then—_

His feet begged him to move. But this time...this time Pattun stood still. What the hell was that about? There’s no way he liked him, did he? As in...like like? His brain’s completely shut down. His cheeks, however...he can feel them swelling. He growls. It’s not like he liked him or anything, they just...shared the same self-deprecating humor, is all. Yes, he’s just blushing out embarrassment, or anger, one of the three. He wouldn’t even read the letter, he’s too pissed off to do so. No, he’d just take it home and hand it over for Mocchi to deliver it.

_The power to drag out the guilt,  
The view of the water ripples,_

He’d drip his animal blood samples over his face as he laid in his bed, per his evening sabbatical ritual. Dripping, staining red, yellow, and green, like paint. For some reason, he couldn’t sleep over what Kuru told him. What he _confessed_ to him. Why couldn’t he just let this go? Was it because it pissed him off so much? Was it because he felt he didn’t need anyone in his life? The more he thought about it, the more pissed off he got. He didn’t need to be reminded of how bad he is at reading emotions, let alone reciprocating them. 

_And the love that seeks a reward—  
I scratched away all of these traces_

His face was still red. Why was his face still red? It can’t possibly be love. It can’t possibly be because he teases him out of a love he’s too afraid to confess, let alone put into words. It can’t possibly be because he secretly thinks his life in solitude is super boring and that it’d be nice to share it with anyone besides a giant fluff ball who can’t even get his samples right. No, he’s red cuz he’s pissed off. Was Kuru really that stupid? Even if he did care for him...he’d make for a lousy partner. Mocchi does everything for him, cooking, cleaning, shopping, keeping him away from the toaster so he doesn’t set the apartment on fire. No, Kuru wouldn’t get anything satisfying out of him, and neither would he. Ah, his head’s swelling with how red he is...Almost as much as it is now.

_Nobody will notice  
My faltering back-and-forth steps  
Even if there is a place for me to return to—_

Actually, it’s rattling. God, his head hurts. He growls at the fluffy paws shaking him, too dizzy to yank them off. Then his irritation is immediately placed with dread. 

Kuru’s laying right in front of him. 

_Please, fill me with love_

He’s not the only one with a concussion...Though the blood dripping down his head and from his back makes his injuries look like a paper cut.

The rabbit checks his pulse. Then motions his paws pressing up and down to Pattun.

“You want me to choke him!?”

The rabbit rolls his eyes, then looms over him, takes his hands, and assists him in CPR.

He forces a laugh, “Nothing’s working, Mocchi, pretty sure we’re killing him…”

Mocchi opens Kuru’s mouth, motions his muzzle at Pattun’s, then blowing it at Kuru’s. Pattun’s face pales. He forces another laugh.

“No, no no no, I’m not kissing him.”

The rabbit shrugs with a cheeky smile and walks away.

“Ok, ok, fine…” He grunts at his head, sucks in as much air as he can, leans over...

_You're not dead yet_

He’ll never get the taste out of his head. Frozen, like he was.

Sharp like a knife, Kuru coughs up blood.

_So please howl out your thoughts,_

__

__

_LEO_

“Kuru?” He breathes, places a hand on his face, “Kuru, look at me.”

His heart sinks at the glassy green eyes squinting back at him. God, please don’t look at him like that. Please don’t breathe like that. Shallow. Faint. No warmth. He’d punch his face in if he didn’t catch that tiny perk of his lips. He knew. He fucking knew. He knew he’d try to save him. He knew he wouldn’t make it in time. He knew he loved him, and he knew he’d never confess until his last breath.

That’s all he ever wanted in life.

_Let's be born — Please, respond to me —  
Throw away these chains now  
While I'm still in this hollow state_

He shuts his eyes before he can ask him to speak. 

Pattun’s heart stops with his breath.

_Please, fill me with love_

“KURU!” Pattun shrieks, face swelling red, frantically shaking him, even kissing him again just to hear something, God, _anything_ , “Kuru, wake up, damn it!”

_Let's be born — Please, respond to me —_

The smile’s gone. He’d look peaceful if he wasn’t drenched in the freezing water.

Pattun screams until he loses his voice.

_Please, fill me with love._

“Do you still remember? Me making you say goodbye,” he forces a laugh. Then hiccups with tears, swelling, stinging his eyes with the ocean water. Sobbing over his chest. Begging, pleading, please, wake up, I...

_I just happened to be there  
Not knowing anything_

Rage. He never had the heart to tell him he loved him back, even if he can’t hear him. No, he was too mad at himself to do so.


End file.
